Listen to my podcast, Taylor's Take, on SoundCloud, where I reflect on my journal entires and provide commentary on The Bachelor.
Will You Accept This Rose?
The first night is in the books! I had the pleasure of sharing this episode with family and friends who held a beautiful viewing party for me. One thing that was really important to me going on The Bachelor was to share my experience and who I am, and to be open to this level of exposure and vulnerability. I was overwhelmed by the amount of support I received from the people in my community. It takes a lot of courage to put your life on pause and put yourself out there in such a crazy experience where, let's be honest, the odds are stacked against you. Watching this episode, I felt proud of every woman who took a chance and stepped out of a limo.
Before and after the first night I spent time grounding myself and focusing in on how this experience would challenge me and what I wanted out of it. Being without phone, internet, or social support I spent a lot of time journaling these thoughts and feelings...and now I would like to share them with you.
Today is the day. I'm about to have the weirdest first date of my life. Be your authentic self. Taylor, you're wonderful. I'm feeling somewhat okay about all of this. I've handed over control and am having faith in this process, not necessarily of the show, but of life. I am going to trust this experience and myself. I will be myself, I will dig deep, I will be vulnerable, and I will dare greatly. I'm really excited for this journey. I have to get comfortable in the unknown. I don't know how things will turn out and it is totally out of my control. This is such a new, different, weird, and unique experience. I'm excited about what I'll learn throughout this process and how I'll be challenged. It is definitely scary and I'm nervous, but I know it will all be good in the end, and I'm having faith in that.
This is so much to take in, but it feels so good to finally be here. I'm going to really take advantage of my time here and be present with each moment. I have to let go of the fear of uncertainty and gain the strength to believe in what i cannot see...which is literally this ENTIRE experience. I am ready to have someone to share my love with and I'm ready to accept someone else's love.
I've reached a point in my life where I know I am enough just as I am. I've done the internal work to truly believe that I am enough. I want a partner that will feel the same way, not only about me but also about himself. I want the confidence I'm feeling now to follow me throughout this experience, even when shit gets really hard. I hope that I do actually like him. I hope he likes me too.
It would be incredibly fucking insane if he and I actually connected and established a real relationship together.
What a fucking trip. I think I have to remain open-minded, authentic, and vulnerable. I have to stay true to my thoughts and feelings, and be open with them. I will be assertive in my pursuit for creating a relationship with him...given that I actually like him.
Oh my god. Are you kidding me? Salad dressing all over my dress. I'm literally about to go down and meet the girls and get in the limo. Jesus Christ, Taylor. You're a hot fucking mess. Of course this would happen. Maybe this is actually a blessing in disguise, like time will pass and then I will actually have something legitimate to worry about. Less than a few hours until I met Nick. Ah!
I Accepted the Rose
Did last night really happen? That literally all feels like a dream. I feel like we had a good connection. Nick was very handsome and a little nervous. I was so tripped up by how everything he was saying in his speeches were all things I had been talking about before coming here. We both get into this weird zone when we talk and just kind of get lost in our thoughts. Watching him do it was very attractive and I really liked his brain and face. I feel like I did a good job with the girls, some were freaking out about time and I tried to be helpful where I could. It was sad to see some of the girls loose confidence and compare themselves to each other. I had a feeling it would be happen but it was another thing to actually experience. After talking with Nick I felt good and had a good sense that I wasn't going home. I didn't let seeing his connections with other girls make me question the connection that we had. I know I won't feel like that every week so it felt good to have that confidence and security. I'm going to keep the mindset that I had coming into this, that I want him explore his connections with other women. We are all wonderful women and I hope he gets time to explore his connections with all of us, that is how this works. Now that I've met Nick, I'm feeling even more great and thankful about having this opportunity. It is pretty fucking insane, but I want to have fun with it and I want to dig deep, be vulnerable, and dare greatly.