Listen to my podcast, Taylor's Take, on SoundCloud, where I reflect on my journal entires and provide commentary on The Bachelor.
Always a Bridesmaid...
The second episode of The Bachelor featured two group dates and a one on one date. My name was on the first group date card and we did a bridal shoot with Nick. In "Taylor's Take" I will share with you portions of my journal entires from this date. I haven't looked at my journals since I wrote them, so creating this has been really interesting. Sharing this with you is partly a way for me to be experience vulnerability in putting my thoughts out there and furthering my processing of this experience, but it also allows me to show you more of who I am and gives you a peak into where I was at during this time.
I'm feeling a little out of place. I'm on the first group date today, which kind of makes me nervous. This is really happening, already. I'm still trying to recover from the first night! I just have to kind of jump in and put my big girl pants on. I think I'm starting to feel like I stick out a little in this group of girls, I'm starting to notice our differences. I'm not super high energy and I'm not like incredibly excited. We will see how it goes. I felt confident in Nick and I's connection last night and I hope I continue to. I need to make sure I continue to be my authentic self and show myself in the time I do get. Even though I'm not super excited about this date like the other girls I think that it is okay. I am staying true to myself. I'm a little different when it comes to this stuff and I like me, even though it can be different sometimes. You do you, boo boo.
I don't even think there are enough pages or time to write how I'm feeling about today's date. The first group date is in the books. It is difficult to not compare out to other girls, and to not change my perception of what I think he is looking for in a partner. Like, really dude? I feel deep down that I could be a good match with Nick. I feel strongly that other girls here are not. I have to have faith in the dating process and that Nick will sort these things out in time. I'll learn more about him throughout the process and be able make my own decisions. I feel confident that I'm not going home at the end of this week. I think our connection is there. I like that Nick said I'm intriguing. It is crazy to think this was literally only the first day.
It is frustrating feeling like Nick is going after things/qualities in a girl that I don't find right him. But that is my opinion. I feel like I have to give Corinne some credit for going after what she wants, but I also feel like there is a more balanced way you can go about it. I can also go after what I want in a way that is authentic to me, and I did. I'm slightly nervous that I didn't get to kiss Nick again at the end of the day. Our kiss during the photoshoot felt very intimate and I was pretty emotional and nervous about it. I wasn't expecting to kiss on the first group date, like I literally just met the dude. I have some worries that we didn't get to kiss again, but also am somewhat happy about it because he had literally kissed everyone at that point, and that feels pretty gross to me. I'm trying to stay focused on the connection and relationship that we are creating but it is pretty fucking difficult to do that with a bunch of other girls' thoughts/opnions/feelings about the whole thing. It is all up in your face all the time. I definitely needed this time process and check in with myself. This first group date was no fucking joke. Shit was intense and this is a pretty stressful environment. I just hope our connection continues to grow and I feel more confident in us every week. What a long day.